When You Were an Animal
Desaturation:
You decide to get sober.
Over the course of a few months you develop a depression so crushingly intense it has you on your knees begging a god you’ve never believed in for mercy.
In the final weeks your mind plays a near constant film reel about the many ways you will end your life.
You hear voices you know are in your head telling you how horrible you are and how you deserve to die.
As time goes on they become louder and more frequent.
The world, once supersaturated with color, is now dull shades of gray.
In the split second when you have the courage to glance in the mirror your eyes are dull sunken stones.
Your fingers are long and disjointed and alien.
Mental anguish manifests in physical pain.
It runs through your body like fire.
It punches you in the stomach.
You contort in agony.